


bittersweet

by Starbuck09256



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 07:37:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20671679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbuck09256/pseuds/Starbuck09256
Summary: holding her nephew, scully realizes all the things she's lost and she has an important question for mulder.





	bittersweet

Its bittersweet watching her hold her nephew. Knowing what he knows. She is so good with children. She listens to them. Really listens to them, listens to their stories, their dreams, their fears. She anticipates their needs, like she sometimes does to him. Not that he couldn't use someone to boss him around every once in awhile. As she strokes the tiny cheek with a smile on her face he wants to sob for every injustice done to her. Sob for all the moments she won't have with her own children. He never really pictured her as a mom. Not because he doesn't know she's a woman. He knows, God, does he realize every second in her presence the incredible woman she is and the damn lucky bastard he is for getting to spend almost a full 40 hours a week with her. Still though it's not enough, even though he sees her all the time. He still can't wait until Monday to call her, listen to her voice, see her silky strands of hair dance in the wind. 

It's only then does he realize how much he wants to hold her and cry, because he thinks that maybe her not having children signs his own ending. He couldn't imagine having children with anyone else. Any children he has would have been entwined with her, her beauty and intelligence. His snarky attitude and deadpan humor. He swallows hard as he watches her. 

She turns to him a sad smile on her lips and she gently sways the now formally impossible insomniac baby, who is snoozing peacefully in her arms. Arms that were meant to hug and hold their children. He looks up trying to keep his emotions in check, thinking about their daughter cold and buried here in San Diego. How just that morning they had laid yellow Roses on her grave. He bites his lip and smiles at her. He made a promise to himself last year, that if there was any chance, any remote possibility that she could have a child and raise a child he would tell her. He would give anything and everything to make it happen. He needs to talk to the gunmen right when they get back. His mind jumps through ideas, how he doesn’t want to delay anymore.They could adopt take a frightened child and give them a life all children deserve. One of happiness, one of safety, full of love. 

Brother Bill comes by taking sweet Matthew from his aunt. No one notices the sadness that lingers in her eyes as they walk towards the play pen to lay the boy down. Maybe the moment will pass, and this will be like so many things unspoken, an afterthought of emotions that are carefully disguised behind a badge and a gun. He doesn't want it to be. He wants to take her hand, pull her into a room and hatch a plan. Now he wants to act, say to hell with the FBI, fuck trying to find answers that only lead to more endless questions. She is his answer, his answer that there is more in the universe, more out there than her ever dreamed. He is sure now. Because if there wasn't, if the world was empty of meaning of purpose, if all they were was millions of years of evolution. He never would of been destined to meet her. 

As she comes closer grabbing her jacket staring up at him, her voice finally cuts through his thoughts. "Mulder, do you think maybe we could go for a walk? I umm.. I have something I want to ask you." He sees her nervously pulling on her sleeve. His fingertips graze her cheek as he smiles at her grabbing his own jacket. He follows her out the door, the brisk November air cutting into their skin so he pulls her close draping his arm around her shoulders. Her breathing steadies as they round the corner to a small park. Children are playing, dressed in oversized coats and little hats and mittens. The bench she picks facing the chaos but without the loud volume of playground mishaps. He leans back watching her as she watches as a little girl takes a small tumble at the bottom of the slide. As she turns to him he sees the nervousness painted on her face.

"Scully what it is, what's wrong?" 

She takes a big breath licking her lips. 

"I have the most outrageous request and you can say no, and I promise you it won't change anything between us but..umm" 

She is unsure he watches her hands this morning seeing Emily's grave knowing that had she lived tangle together back and forth. The fidgeting so out of character for his partner and best friend it shows him a glimpse of the magnitude of her question. His hand grasp hers his other gently touching her chin to raise her piercing blue eyes to meet his soft hazel ones. 

"Dana, its us, you can ask me anything." 

Her first name used so very carefully through the years. It conveys more than any words he can think of, I see you, I hear you, I love you. She smiles and he can't help but match it with his own. 

"I want to try and adopt a child, I was hoping you would umm help me by being a character witness?" he sits back. 

Nodding his head in agreement and then stopping to shake his head no. He thinks fast like he always has to with her, just to keep up.

"I don't think they will let me" she looks confused so he moves forward softly kissing her lips. 

Its sweet, her lips are soft and as much has he wants to deepen this kiss with her he pulls back. She now looks bewildered but a smile plays on her lips.

"I can't imagine they would allow the co-applicant to be a character witness. Can I be listed on the application with you? Because I .." 

She looks at him stunned. 

"But..I mean…"

He watches as her mind goes through all the huge questions but then she looks at him. He continues quickly "watching you holding Matthew, everything that's happened to you to us..going with you to see Emily's grave, knowing that if she had lived.. I would of given up everything to protect her and she wasn't even mine, but yours and.." 

He stops as her fingers brush across his cheek. He hopes, hell, even prays that he said enough to convince her. She leans up kissing him, and it's not like the soft tentative kiss he gave her. It's just like her, deep, complicated and utterly amazing. When she pulls back and smiles at him.

"I would umm.. love if you were on the application..with me." Lucky bastard indeed. 

"Scully..really?"

"Really."

His arms encircle her as he hugs her close his smile wide. He cups her cheek brushed his lips against hers. Soft and sweet her lips a perfect fit to his. He’s not even surprised. 

She gets up pulling her jacket closer and takes his hand in hers. It's a parallel to this morning them walking hand and hand only instead of sadness consuming both of them individually, this time there is hope together.


End file.
